man, it sucks when one is a son of a son of a *****.

especially when the son mentioned first does nothing legally wrong and the next son of a ***** goes around ranting at the son to "delete the game" when "the game" is a website.

like wow, he expects the son to hack into online servers to delete somebody else's hard work.

seriously, wouldn't that be illegal?

the son of a ***** says, "you take me for a fool?"

and the son remains silent to let the mad fool finish with his illogical rants.

in the end, the son just closes the tabs with "the game"'s name on it.

the son of a ***** says, "i have been observing you for a long time."

the son thinks, "how long is your long? you are one pathetic old ***** with a memory of a retard with nothing else better to do other than rant on about your illogical things. i am so happy that my mind is trained out of my own will rather than that screwed-up will of yours."

the son of a ***** goes on ranting and finally stops when i shouted back at him with a pretty polite sentence. with the loudness being the exception. as a gentleman, even the son needs to formally address the son of a ***** in question.

oh well, end of my "the son and the son of a *****" rant.

like who couldn't guess what all the censored words were...

well, here's the censored word if none of you got them right: bitch

lol, obviously, the unfortunate son would've been me.

i'm very tempted to just pick a knife from the kitchen and just slice his vocal cords of so that he really looks like a fool other than just being one.

the joy to see him in the newspaper headlines where "FATHER TURNS MUTE FOR RANTING LIKE A FOOL" appears would be truly great.

trust me, i wouldn't feel guilty about it.

when i was younger, i got caned till i bled and he just went on with the caning.

alright, he's not a total fool since he now knows that caning stops working since the cane breaks the moment it touches my body. more like i purposely use my elbow to make contact with the stupid cane first.

hilarious when the cane flies and hits him instead.

sadly, that happened only once.

the times he made me bleed would be equivalent, in my opinion, when i make him mute for life.

i bet the blood he bleeds won't even be equivalent to the volume i bled when he caned me.

when i slept, the bed would have turned red had i not had the thoughtfulness of not sleeping until all the open wounds clot up.

i won't sue him for child abuse cos when i grow up, i would love to slowly torture him. caning him when he shouts just like him caning me when i shout.

he hasn't learnt how horrible retribution is.

seems like malaysia's education in the past wasn't harsh enough.

really, how i wish i had the death note to scribble down names of all the unworthy people in the world.

a genuine death note.

i'd rather have all the world's sins put upon me and let the world be a much peaceful place without a need for policemen to drive unnecessary fear to people's hearts.

like policemen are even effective to begin with.

even the court is biased.

justice was never justified to begin with.

this world was never earth.

it was hell to begin with as people kept sinning.

what about heaven?

i was once a christian. probably a very positive one had the so-called "god" not made my life so miserable after i converted to christianity.

when i went to church and other christian related outings, what happened?

i got further reprimands from my accursed father for going out for such long hours.

he says my studies are not up to standard.

he calls me stupid.

he said he won't talk to me.

he says he has given up on me.

and wow, he kinda contradicts everything he says.

his studies weren't exactly any exemplary thing that i could look up to.

his IQ isn't anywhere near 100.

he still scolds me for random reasons: like my handwriting (even when it is already legible)

he still constantly nags at me which means he hasn't given up on me (in which i had always hoped he did so all he would do is to give me my daily allowance and just stfu.)

wow, he seriously lacks any common sense at all. to put it in short:

I HAVE NEVER LOVED MY FATHER.

not even when i was young.

not even when i was still an innocent child.

never.

Never.

NEVER.

he has always and will always be an insignificant figure in my life.

i can't remember the number of times when i have to forcefully write down his bloody name in acknowledgements.

or the number of times i have to write about a positive family in a composition back in primary school.

the number times i have to write about how my father was such a wonderful person in my life.

somehow, all this lying should stop, shouldn’t it?

and guess what, while i was writing this, he plugged out my internet connection while i was feigning an idmi research.

so i ported whatever i wrote and continued in word.

see how this father is such a retard?

i have many methods.

and there’s no way he can stop them.

all that is needed for me to post this is to copy them over when i head for school the next day.

now to end all these lies.

i have never enjoyed being called by my name at all.

in entirety.

no part of name ever sounded nice to me.

not marcus.

not mook.

not wei.

not lun.

nothing.

it was just used as a reference.

so that i could be referred to easily.

so that he could have something to scold at.

this is one sole reason i always decide to put others before myself.

i know i have lied to many that i do not know why i tend to place others as more important than myself.

fact is, i do know.

i know it so much it hurts.

at least none of you have a name given by such a screwed up father like i do.

it just sucks to be related to him to begin with.

anyone wants to switch parents for a day?

i would gladly switch.

even if your parent is one that whacks you for no reason.

why?

cos at least i won’t have any blood ties with that person.

now you all know my obsession for blood too.

i want the blood of that accursed father.

to remove that blood of his so that my blood can be called my own.

so that i will have no more of him in me.

so that i can be myself without being a hypocrite all the time.

so that i can use my name without him having any remaining credit to it.

this rage inside me has been burning for so long such that anytime when i really lose my temper at one person.

that person may just die because of my strong desire for that person’s blood.

for him to be removed from the world.

which is also why girls are more safe from me than guys are.

which is why i tend not to make real friends but just those that i can talk to.

which is why so many of you are precious to me.

people say, “your family is the most precious thing you have when you are alone.”

but when i’m alone, it’s everyone else that i know that is more precious to me than myself.

i hate myself for being associated with my father.

and because everyone else is not.

i love everyone else.

i love everyone else who is outside of my hellish family.

and for those who had tagged at me saying that my mind capacity isn’t big or strong enough, check yours out and compare to this.

who is the weaker one?

who is the one that should be reviewing his/her own mind?

definitely not me.

keeping one’s sanity is one of the hardest things to do.

and it doesn’t come from just schooling and excessive education.

education is meaningless when you are forced into it.

ambition is nothing when you waste time on useless things.

and when teachers say that they know me.

they know that i’m lazy and whatnot.

i think that’s barely a single percent that they know of.

and did they know that i fabricate practically every personality test that was ever thrown at me?

obviously no.

so i hate it whenever someone says that they know me.

and there’s also this about dawn’s play: the dollhouse.

it makes perfect sense to me.

when i read it.

it was like someone finally understood a portion of what i was going through everyday.

how it would feel like to finally break out of the puppeteer’s control.

it’s really sickening.

you know, all i’m thinking right now is how to commit suicide in a way such that i’ll live.

such that when i wake up, i’ll be in a different world.

a world that is made by my own imagination.

where there are no longer any hypocrites.

no more sadness, hatred, anger,

just pure joy and happiness.

how i wish that world would exist.

but ending my life would be just showing how weak my mental strength is.

to succumb to such an asshole.

i’ll just continue to live.

for now.

live for the day he falls ill and i end off his life by saying all that i’ve written here to him.

make him regret having a son like me.

make him regret the “treatment” he has given me.

if i’m even nice enough to let him live his life to the fullest.

fat hope.

from now on, i’ll get all my work started the moment it’s given.

maybe collaborate with my teachers to give him a call every few days or something.

make him get all angry and fed-up.

hopefully get him into a stroke.

get him bedridden.

and then finish him off by ranting at him about everything.

and let him die off knowing that his eldest child hated him from the beginning.

a dramatic ending suitable for an unworthy being.

oh well, i think this 1769 word rant is getting tiring and mind-wrecking.

i’m going for some prize presentation later at radin mas primary school cos my animation competition submission actually got shortlisted O.o

uber lolz.

really unbelievable.

just hope to win a PSP then xD

that way i can play with it on the way to and from school =D

oh well, for the people who actually read up to here before calling me up to ask me to stop making rash decisions, i’m fine.

i can control myself pretty well until i’m in a raging state.

still, when i am in a raging state.

i’ll settle down after a few minutes of utter madness.

so chill =D

nothing bad’s gonna happen.

off to finding my way to radin mas primary now.

tata.

essays worth of rants  ~12-03-09