Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hellos. Been emo-ing a lot lately. But guess i'll just talk about the past 4 days.

Class Chalet:
Chalet was held at NSRCC. Got off at Tanah Merah MRT station to take the shuttle bus there. went to read some manga at TM and went there at about 3pm+. Kind of regretted going there. Anyway, played "duck duck goose" over there, a real crappy game if you ask me. to prevent being a wet blanket there, just had to resist the pain coming from my bloody scab and run like everyone else instead of just limping/walking. Played card games throughout the night with me emo-ing here and there at times. Some noticed me emo-ing away and asked me if i was alright. Felt better but still, emo. Thanks for the concern though. Went to sleep for an hour before check-out time. Then we played "ice and water" my knee felt better so i decided to be ice. Ran on for quite a bit. acting as high as i could. at least nobody did realise i was acting. after the game, we left. Some of us went to bugis to watch enchanted. crappy storyline i must say. with all the singing like some nursery rhyme. End of class chalet which only about half the class went.

Art mural painting at PEACE CONNECT:
Met a lot of fellow art members that i didn't see back at recycling corner work early this november. must say that i really thank wan ying, steffi, jia yun, chelsia, jia teck, no-name, jacky and a lot others whose name i do not know. thank you for cheering me up loads. sorry ms tan that i forgot your name though. thanks mrs koh for the reminder. will never forget any teachers' name again. we painted several walls around peace connect. our group did the sunflowers. somehow, ginseng flowers started appearing amongst them. so weird. some habits of the people i know still don't change - that's a good thing. like jia teck still calling people by "qin ai de" and jia yun calling me "jian gui" the moment our eyes met. when i didn't reply back the same, jia yun probably knew something was wrong. had quite a tough time making up for it later on, trying to act like who i was 4 months ago. The day ended for me with the "dish-washing". not literally though. actually, it's more like art-tools=washing. stood there at the sink for past an hour washing everything. being the only year one at the mural painting was tough. got "bullied" by some seniors who kept painting me. so what options have i left to do? retaliate. paint them back. the most obvious thing to do. after dismissal, when wan ying, steffi and i were walking towards lavender mrt station, i met two of my cousins. those two crazy girls were screaming and chattering away loudly. to ask them to keep things down will be quite the impossible. lucky they simmered down moments later. went to kinokuniya with wan ying and steffi with steffi being the leader. it was so funny when we kept comparing heights. poor wan ying. poor me too. we kept getting intimidated by steffi's towering presence (don't read this steffi!). steffi recommended me a book entitled "the princess bride" i've finished it last night and it was fabulous (thanks steffi!). wan ying bought xxholic to read, sadly it was in chinese. my chinese is as crappy as always. end of that day.

now for my relfections on this cognition of mine which has recently started going haywire. i don't get myself. why have i emo-ed for 4 whole days and did not find the root of it until last night? has what took me years to train up a mental block just went down the drain? has this mental block i've forged, that i've forged to deal with temper, my emotional quota been broken in a matter of a spur of emo-ness? i've been thinking about this for the past three days after noticing my own strange actions. choking on a drink has never happened to me even when i thought of something thoroughly. and it just happened 2 days ago when i was having lunch after my class chalet and just before the movie session. just what has happened to my mine? i keep asking myself. now that i've got myself an answer, it just leads to another aspect of this problem. the hurt in my mental pain is causing some cardinal pain too. but i can't determine which i should cure first. with my mental block going down the drain after such an unknown blow? is it the lack of sleep? i've not gotten myself enough sleep for the past few days with the chalet, mural painting and etc. i couldn't think of anything else. i don't want a councilor to come and talk to me. i have had enough of councilors from my primary school days. i think this is enough ranting for a post. any more of it and all who reads this will start panicking that someone is about to lose it and just commit suicide.